Before I moved to Poland, I was living in Tampa, Florida. I lived 53% of my life in or around the Tampa Bay area. I did the math. This means over half of my life was spent:

– within walking distance of a shuffleboard court;
– riding or driving in cars behind someone with their blinker always on;
– in areas where I could do faithful re-enactments of Cocoon or Cocoon 2 depending on the mood;
– living with the shame of Cop and a Half;
– with people who were ready to die at a moment’s notice;
– with a terrible sunburn;
– around a surprisingly large number of strip clubs;
– celebrating Gasparilla, an annual celebration for a pirate named Gaspar;
– living Henry Miller’s “Air-Conditioned Nightmare”;
– living under the shadow of Gallagher and his phallic hammer and watermelon smashing shenanigans;
– dealing with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers – imagine Friday Night Lights without any of the inspirational bits and replaced with shame and self-loathing.