53%


Before I moved to Poland, I was living in Tampa, Florida. I lived 53% of my life in or around the Tampa Bay area. I did the math. This means over half of my life was spent:

– within walking distance of a shuffleboard court;
– riding or driving in cars behind someone with their blinker always on;
– in areas where I could do faithful re-enactments of Cocoon or Cocoon 2 depending on the mood;
– living with the shame of Cop and a Half;
– with people who were ready to die at a moment’s notice;
– with a terrible sunburn;
– around a surprisingly large number of strip clubs;
– celebrating Gasparilla, an annual celebration for a pirate named Gaspar;
– living Henry Miller’s “Air-Conditioned Nightmare”;
– living under the shadow of Gallagher and his phallic hammer and watermelon smashing shenanigans;
– dealing with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers – imagine Friday Night Lights without any of the inspirational bits and replaced with shame and self-loathing.

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About Christian A. Dumais

Christian A. Dumais is an American writer, humorist and public speaker living in Wrocław, Poland. He has published fiction, journalism, and academic articles in several magazines and journals such as GUD, Shock Totem and Ha!Art. His first collection of short stories, Empty Rooms Lonely Countries, was published in 2009. He also created, edited, and contributed to Cover Stories, a euphictional anthology of 100 stories inspired by songs, which was published in 2010. His most recent book is SMASHED: The Life and Tweets of Drunk Hulk.

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