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West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #55

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #56

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #57

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #58

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #59

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #60

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #61

West Coast Wednesdays: West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #61

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:57:01 +0000

West Coast Avengers, Vol. 2, Issue 61 (August 1990)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: Roy and Dann Thomas

Penciler: Paul Ryan

Inker: Danny Bulanadi

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

Immortus transports the West Coast Avengers to Limbo where they face off with the Legion of the Unliving. Meanwhile, Agatha Harkness finds out what Immortus’ plan is all about.

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

While Roy and Dann Thomas get the writing credit, it should be pointed out that there’s a “special thanks” to R.J.M. Lofficier, who was the wife of French science fiction writer, Jean-Marc Lofficier. I don’t know what her contribution to the story was, but I figured since someone at Marvel felt it pertinent to give her thanks on the opening splash page, I should at least mention her here.

And we’re off…

After appearing in the background of the book for over a year, Immortus finally comes face-to-face with the West Coast Avengers. And it doesn’t look good. Not only is Wanda unconscious (her default setting for the last 12 issues) but she’s surrounded by both a force field and an extra-temporal shield for good measure. The helpless team is forced to listen to Immortus’ exposition. When the team finally attacks, Immortus – concerned that the team will pursue him – transports the entire team with him to Limbo. Yeah, that didn’t make sense either in the book.

Of interest, the Thomas’s are writing the team as a bunch of petty teenagers just like Englehart did back in the day. It’s almost like they’ve devolved since Byrne stepped off the book, which is a real shame. Hawkeye gets jealous when Wasp refers to Pym as a “leader and founding father” and then later makes a snide remark to Wonder Man about his Hollywood career.

The issue’s big fight, as promised on the cover, starts when the Legion of the Unliving enters the picture. I love how Iron Man describes them through the voice of a writer trying desperately to make sure no reader can be annoyed by any contradictions in the Legion’s membership: “The membership may change – but the concept’s the same! Immortus conjures up the shades of those thought by the Avengers to be among the ranks of the unliving! And then commands them to do his bidding!” U.S. Agent reminds everyone not to hold back as the Legion of the Unliving aren’t really alive. You see, the Legion of the Unliving are dead. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, they’re not alive.

And so everyone fights. A lot of this reads an awful lot like Avengers Annual #16 where the Avengers fought, you guessed it, the Legion of the Unliving. In fact, Hawkeye fought the exact same person.

From Avengers Annual #16

From West Coast Avengers #61

A stunning eight pages of the book are given to Agatha Harkness as she attempts to figure out Immortus’ master plan by interrogating his three-dimensional doppelganger (don’t ask!). Immortus decides to reveal his plan by starting at the very beginning of his life. And so readers are treated to pages worth of excruciating Englehart-style flashbacks that keeps circling the answer to the mystery without ever saying it. Finally, the cliffhanger has Harkness finally realizing what Immortus’ plan is in a poorly constructed splash page with awkward dialogue to match (“While your Legion of the Unliving vanishes back into blessed oblivion all around us — I realize, at last, just what that plan is!”). Meaning readers will have to wait another whole month before getting answers to the story they’ve been patiently reading for over a year.

But you only need to wait another week.

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Roast. This is all info-dumping with intermittent uninspired fights. We’re back to Englehart levels of exposition and it’s not pretty.

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

Wonder Man is like Lennie…

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…

West Coast Wednesdays: West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #58

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 12:25:48 +0000

West Coast Avengers, Vol. 2, Issue 58 (May 1990)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: Fabian Nicieza

Penciler: Tom Morgan

Inker: Randy Emberlin

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

The team returns to Los Angeles after suffering the defeat of Magneto, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver. And before they can figure out what to do next, the city suffers a horrifying earthquake.

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

“The Day the Earth Moved” probably disappointed a lot of readers. Not only does it not continue the big throw down between the West Coast Avengers and Magneto, but it seems that John Byrne has departed the book. Fabian Nicieza has taken over the writing and Tom Morgan returns (issue #38) to do the art with Randy Emberlin.

The story starts with the introduction of Vibro who “can manipulate tectonic plates and cause the very Earth itself to upheave.” When we first see him, he’s attacking the Department of Urban Development in Los Angeles. Even though he’s apparently angry to begin with, he’s even more angry when he discovers (from a convenient document lying on the floor) that the department has allowed substandard construction to continue in the city. He’s furious because if an earthquake happens in L.A. there will be a lot of deaths, so in order to teach people the stupidity of their ways, Vibro decides to make an earthquake.

Listen, if we can accepts Pym’s flaws, we can roll with Vibro’s logic.

The team returns to the compound straight from Magneto’s defeat. The earthquake has already begun by the time they land. The team springs into action to help the city, much to Wonder Man’s dismay, as he wants to immediately return to Asteroid M and save Wanda.

In perhaps one of my favorite moments in the book, Hank orders the gardener Ramon to do the following things: 1) Bring the unconscious bodies of the Human Torch and U.S. Agent inside, 2) hook up said bodies to life support, and 3) monitor all broadcast channels. Ramon is new to the book. He’s not to be confused with their Elvis-like butler Carlos. We can only assume that the compound’s hired help is trained to do everything, from cleaning the pool to landscaping to dismantling Ultrons. Pym treats the gardener like an active member of the team. I can not stress enough how awesome this is.

According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, his full name is Ramon Trigo, and he’s supposed to be the groundskeeper. Whatever his job, I sure hope his pay is good. Also of interest, this is his only appearance.

Most of the book is watching the team work together and use their unique abilities to save the people of Los Angeles from this devastating earthquake. It’s all heroic and fine, but it’s not terribly effective.

The story doesn’t find it’s dramatic center again until the team learns of Vibro’s involvement (thanks, Ramon the gardener!) and confronts him, Wasp is the one sent to confront Vibro, who is napping while wedged between two shelves. He’s been slowly storing energy, allowing it to build, and now it’s time to release it. Wasp warns him that he’s needs to stop or the team will have to do Pym’s “final solution” which might kill Vibro.

The final solution, as it turns out, is Pym using his particles to close the fault. This requires “more concentrated mass manipulation than he has ever attempted before.” In fact, it could kill him. It’s pretty intense (see below). In the end, Pym closes the fault, apparently crushing Vibro, and the day is won.

Wonder Man, who has been moaning about not being able to save Wanda all issue, is so moved about all the hope in Los Angeles, that he learns to be more hopeful and patient. And so the story ends with the team springing into action to continue their rescue efforts in the city.

Is it dusty in here? No. No, it’s not dusty in here one bit.

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Roast and Boast. Despite the best efforts of Nicieza and Morgan, there was no way they could succeed here. This is the equivalent of interrupting a Harry Potter story to have an afterschool special where Hermione learns the dangers of using amphetamines. I’m with Simon: What about Wanda? That said, Nicieza created Ramon Trigo. A character so amazing, I want to write poetry about him until I get Shakespeare’s elbow.

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

Hank Pym and Vibro play a game of “It’s Not Your Fault!”

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #55

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #56

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #57

West Coast Wednesdays: West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #57

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 13:32:45 +0000

West Coast Avengers, Vol. 2, Issue 57 (April 1990)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: John Byrne

Penciler: John Byrne

Inker: Paul Ryan

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

The team suffers a serious defeat against the newly turned Scarlet Witch with her father Magneto and brother Quicksilver. When the bad guys flee to Asteroid M, the team gets the chance to regroup and attack again. But the second time isn’t always the charm…

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

We start right where we left off last issue, with an unconscious Pym at the mercy of the villainous trio. Magneto is the one who keeps showing restraint and not causing bloodshed unless there’s absolutely no choice, which appears to disappoint Wanda. It’s the Human Torch who comes to save the day, but he’s clearly outmatched. Wanda tries to deactivate him with her powers, but Pietro stops her, claiming that he thought Wonder Man was about to break free (we know, of course, that Quicksilver is helping the Avengers and is playing along with his family for his own reasons). Magneto decides that enough is enough and he transports them out of the cottage towards his Asteroid base in space. On the way, they run into Iron Man who is easily taken down by Wanda. Of interest, Magneto tries to save Iron Man, but due to Iron Man’s use of anti-magnetic agents in his armor, he could not stop his free fall.

Iron Man, much to our surprise, does not die. While Wanda’s powers deactivated Tony’s automatic systems, that didn’t stop him from deploying a good old fashion parachute to save the day.

The team regroups and makes a plan of attack. It’s off to space in the quinjet. Wasp is the first one off to do some recon as the quinjet (invisible from all forms of detection devices) hovers near Asteroid M. When they lose contact with Janet, the team immediately jumps into action by simply punching their way inside Magneto’s base. Naturally, they don’t have a chance. U.S. Agent is bound by scraps of metal. Human Torch is deactivated by Wanda. Janet is revealed to be unconscious in a handy jar. Magneto then traps everyone inside a large metal ball made from scraps from their destroyed quinjet and transports them back to their compound. Wanda is upset by this, as she just wants to kill them. Magneto reassures her that he could’ve killed them all twice today, and no team would be foolish enough to attack them a third time.

Well, the joke’s on Magento, because foolish is what the West Coast Avengers is all about!

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Boast. This is good work, with each member getting enough time to shine. Byrne knows these characters and he’s done a great job balancing out the large cast.

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

This is why no one ever takes you seriously, Simon!

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #55

West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #56

Snowman Cookies!

Christian A. Dumais — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 08:52:38 +0000

While these cookies didn’t turn out as lovely as the one in the recipe/tutorial, I’m pretty proud of these. If you ever feel the need to anthropomorphize your food, this is a delicious way to go.

West Coast Wednesdays: West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #55

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 13:32:09 +0000

West Coast Avengers, Vol. 2, Issue 55 (February 1990)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: John Byrne

Penciler: John Byrne

Inker: Paul Ryan

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

The team learns that Loki is behind the recent alliance among their worst villains. When they confront Loki to turn the tide, the trickster refuses to go down without a fight!

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

Now this is certainly more like it. If the beginning of this storyline had half the fun as its ending, this would be a fantastic crossover. That said, Acts of Vengeance just didn’t work. Luckily for us, Byrne steers the ship to a strong finish while setting up the West Coast Avengers’ next big threat. I even like the story’s title “Let There Be an Ending!” which feels like something a disgruntled and tired editor or writer would come up with.

Thor tells everyone that it’s his half-brother, Loki, who is responsible for the recent attacks and destruction. This comes as a surprise to everyone as they thought Doctor Doom was in charge, even though the recently captured Wizard insists he’s the one in charge. Before they can question the Wizard, he escapes from his cell using a miniature teleportation device he had hidden in a false thumbnail (like most of us do!).

The Wizard arrives back at the villains’ secret headquarters where everyone is dealing with the fact that Doctor Doom had never been a part of their alliance, that it had been one of his Doombots all along. When Lackey (Loki in disguise) learns that the Wizard had just teleported there from a cell at the Avengers’ headquarters, he freaks out and reveals his true identity to everyone. All the villains are shocked by the reveal. Kingpin sees this as an opportunity to exit stage right.

Wonder Man returns to the compound to see the Scarlet Witch’s cottage missing. Harkness tells him that the cottage was hurled skyward. U.S. Agent appears to tell them that using the automated tracking system, he’s discovered that the cottage is orbiting Earth (why would you put a tracking system inside a cottage?). Wonder Man wants to jump into action immediately, but it’s U.S. Agent who insists that they take a space-rigged quinjet and “do it by the numbers, with cool heads.” Cool heads or not, as soon as they’re in space, Wonder Man flies to the cottage when it suddenly explodes.

Just as Loki predicted, Thor and the Avengers were able to track the energy signatures from the Wizard’s teleportation device and begin an attack on their secret base. It turns out, however, that they’ve been operating out of the Isle of Silence, where Loki had previously been imprisoned, and where Loki has complete control over its environment. The heroes launch a full attack against Loki, but between the monsters, living plants and strong winds, they’re forced to fight for their lives against their surroundings. So it comes down to a battle between Thor and Loki, which is handled effectively and quickly. Thor uses his hammer to create a pit for Loki to fall in and then he closes the ground above him like a giant door, trapping Loki “under a million tons of Earth” (so the Isle of Silence is on Earth?).

Hank and Janet return to the compound. Janet decides to check in on everybody’s favorite comatose witch, but finds a bruised and battered U.S. Agent instead. He warns her to get away, but it’s too late. The issue ends by revealing the Scarlet Witch, sporting a new outfit and haircut, stating that all of her powers are finally unleashed.

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Boast. And we’re back on track. Crossover or not, this is the quality I’ve come to expect with Byrne on the title.

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

Falcon says it best…

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…

Some random jokes…

Christian A. Dumais — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 16:58:45 +0000

If you don’t follow me on Twitter, there’s a good chance you’ve missed these. I’ve challenged myself to write at least 10 jokes a day (outside of the Drunk Hulk jokes) and throw them up on Twitter. There’ll be some misses, I’m sure, but occasionally I’m bound to get one right. Here are some of the jokes I’ve been tweeting for the last few days:

European students always struggle with Ezra Pound’s poetry because they use the metric system.

Too proud to resort to cannibalism, the Kool-Aid Man dies of thirst in the desert.

The only doctor in the restaurant, patrons watch in horror as proctologist performs emergency enema on choking victim.

Man applying for the Director of Holocaust Museum position worries that he smiled too much during the job interview.

Stripper embarrassed by her student past.

IKEA instruction manual humbles MacGuyver.

Hipster Sherlock Holmes solved the case ironically, last week, before it was cool.

Baby aspirin tragically swallowed before it could become adult strength.

Restful coma continuously interrupted by wife’s loud annoying pleas to wake the fuck up.

Overachieving stopped watch right three times in one day.

Dying university student sees family on death futon.

Historians don’t know what to do with Schindler’s recently discovered bucket list.

Strict English professor continues to boycott Apple for failing to capitalize i.

Scientist who cloned himself will unveil experiment once he stops making out with it.

While it happened in Vegas, tourist discovers he can’t get herpes to stay there.

It’s hard being the middle taco. It’s never cherished as much as the first and never appreciated as much as the last.

Real estate market in Kandor goes underwater when Brainiac accidentally drops bottle in the tub.

Occupy Wall Street movement on Gilligan’s Island puts the Howells at a disadvantage.

Envious salt wishes it had its own spray too.

Judge rules that a blogger isn’t a journalist. I didn’t go to 4 years of Blogger School to be mistaken for a reporter.

To reinvigorate their image, IKEA to introduce dead ends, minotaurs in their stores in 2012.

Overweight hunter accidentally shoots Richard Simmons when he jumped out suddenly from behind tree.

Bartleby wakes up refreshed, thinks he might finally get some scrivening done today.

Professional plagiarist feels like he keeps repeating himself.

Man sincerely asks “How are you?” Friend assumes it’s a greeting and throws question back.

World drops bombshell on Mythbusters. They respond with cannonball.

Cain threatens to turn the tables on accusers. Later he’ll put the chairs upside down.

Police officer on vacation at Yellowstone National Park instinctively reaches for pepper spray at sight of campers.

Students meet at Starbucks again to complain about the high price of tuition.

Naive 13 year old thinks he invented masturbation.

Stoner can’t get over how, like, seven seasons of 24 is, like, a whole week.

Hamster’s other car is a giant wheel.

Award winning prolific spam writer in China horrified to discover she was writing about penises all this time.

Newly designed white Coca-Cola can is forced to re-examine own identity, sexuality.

Despite heavy casualties, Doritos aficionados continue quest for mythic Cool Ranch.

West Coast Wednesdays: Avengers Vol. 1, #313

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:54:43 +0000

Avengers, Vol. 1, Issue 313 (January 1990)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: John Byrne

Penciler: Paul Ryan

Inker: Tom Palmer

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

The Avengers are recovering from the destruction of their main headquarters when the Mandarin (now with convenient nipples on his armor!) decides to pay a visit!

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

The three Avengers teams (West, East and Great Lakes) communicate with a one-eyed Jarvis in the ~~Batcave~~ Avengers Park sub-basement. Everyone is a little uneasy by how the public has suddenly turned on them. Hawkeye tells everyone that the Great Lakes Avengers are ready when they’re needed, while the Avengers have to do an inspection of the recently destroyed hydro-base, along with Wonder Man and Vision.

Meanwhile, Mandarin shows up at Avengers Park to continue the damage Freedom Force started last issue. The park is surrounded by protesters who want “NYC for Real People!” Before the police can pepper spray the protesters, Mandarin starts nonchalantly killing officers and soldiers.

Doctor Doom, watching Mandarin on a video screen in a secret lair, is annoyed at Mandarin’s actions. He claims that he has “the fighting sense of a novice in a nunnery.” Harsh words, indeed, Doom. Red Skull enters the room and he starts laying out insults at Doom. This doesn’t please Doom one bit, and they have a throw down, leading Red Skull to shoot Doom. Luckily, Kingpin comes in and starts giving a verbal smack down to both Doom and Skull.

Vision and Wonder Man arrive at the park to take care of Mandarin when the Wizard flies in and gives the two of them a run for their money.

Thousands of miles away, a comatose Scarlet Witch (her new default setting) is being taken care of by Agatha Harkness. She senses that something is wrong and steps outside of their bungalow at the compound. Suddenly, the home begins to shake and is hurled into Earth’s orbit. Once there, Magneto appears. He then wishes his daughter a good afternoon, because, hey, that’s just common courtesy.

Captain America, Black Widow and Hellcat show up to bring Mandarin down. It’s a pretty good fight with lots of punching, scratching, and sexist remarks, until Thor shows up and gets all Hammer Time with Mandarin. The Wizard and Wonder Man continue their fight, which ruins Mandarin’s plans, so he uses the Wizard as a decoy so that he can escape. The Avengers catch the Wizard who basically tells them that he’s fallen into his clever trap.

The issue ends with the bickering villains discovering that Doctor Doom was actually a good old fashion Doombot, meaning he was never a part of their plan to begin with. Twist!

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Roast. Not a fan of this one at all. Too much going on and, despite the nature of the crossover, it feels like they’re just throwing villains out to fight the team without any rhyme or reason. And while there’s some progress with the main villains (probably the most interesting part of this whole story), this feels like wheel spinning.

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

I see your racism…

And I raise it with sexism!

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…

West Coast Wednesdays: West Coast Avengers Vol. 2, #54

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 13:32:08 +0000

West Coast Avengers, Vol. 2, Issue 54 (January 1990)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: John Byrne

Penciler: John Byrne

Inker: Paul Ryan

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

With the team split up in opposite sides of the country, it’s up to Wonder Man, U.S. Agent, Iron Man and Torch to deal with the Mole Man’s attack on Los Angeles.

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

After last month’s awful issue where Byrne had to juggle two major crossovers while still setting up the pieces for his own future stories, it looks like the book is back on track. In fact, it looks like Byrne is having fun again. And if you need evidence of that, you can see it immediately with the playful homage to Fantastic Four #1 on the cover.

The Mole Man attacks Los Angeles with his surplus army of monsters. Wonder Man and Iron Man are the first to respond, with shellhead taking out the first giant monster by lifting it up and dropping it in the Pacific.

Pym and Wasp are returning home on the quinjet after the events in Avengers #312 with a comatose Scarlet Witch. When last we saw Wanda, she was giving Vision one of her creepy uncomfortably long hugs in Avengers Park, and since then she’s fallen unconscious (the third time in a few issues, by the way). Pym and Wasp can’t seem to wake her up. But none of that matters as the quinjet is attacked by one of Mole Man’s three-headed flying monsters. The monster destroys the quinjet easily. Our heroes are about to crash in the mountains, but at the last minute the quinjet stops just inches off the ground. Before Pym and Wasp can figure out how that happened, Pym uses his Pym particles to shrink the monster down to a manageable size. Wasp goes to get help and we can see Magneto hiding in the shadows, thus answering how they managed to survive the crash. It turns out, he was protecting his daughter.

Meanwhile, Torch and Wonder Man confront the Mole Man to find out what’s going on. He claims that the Avengers had attacked him and he is only defending himself. Torch tries to convince the Mole Man that he’s mistaken, that this is all some kind of misunderstanding, but the Mole Man will have none of it. Wonder Man steps up and says he will no longer defend himself. He says that he knows the Mole Man’s staff “is full of all kinds of electronic doohickeys and enough power to fry a small herd of elephants” and that he’s not going to stop him from using it on him.

The Mole Man attacks Wonder Man again and again with his staff (which apparently packs enough power to hurt Simon) and Wonder Man takes the beating, much to the Mole Man’s confusion. Finally, the Mole Man considers reason and decides to withdraw, not pleased that he was duped.

The issue ends with the West Coast Avengers having a video conference with the Avengers, and they determine that something larger is going on, leading Pym to make an unavoidable conclusion (see below).

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Boast. And we’re back. This is a fun issue that doesn’t feel like a crossover was pushed into the book. This is more like it!

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

What makes this day different than any other?

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…

West Coast Wednesdays: Avengers Vol. 1, #312

Christian A. Dumais — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:20:14 +0000

Avengers, Vol. 1, Issue 312 (Mid-December 1989)

WEST COAST CREDITS!

Writer: John Byrne

Penciler: Paul Ryan

Inker: Tom Palmer

WEST COAST SUMMARY!

The Avengers’ Hydro-Base has been destroyed, forcing the Avengers to regroup in the sub-basement ~~at their mom’s house~~ in Avengers Park. Before they can assess all the chaos happening across the nation, Freedom Force pays a visit, and unfortunately for our heroes, it isn’t a friendly house call.

WEST COAST THOUGHTS!

I’m jumping over to the regular Avengers title this week to continue our look at Acts of Vengeance which took over the Marvel books during this time. When we last left off, Pym, Wasp, Vision and Scarlet Witch left the West Coast compound to return east to see what was happening with the other team. It’s worth pointing out that this issue is written by Byrne as well.

With regular members of the Avengers occupied with their own problems related to the event, it appears that if the West Coast team hadn’t jumped over, we’d be reading a solo Falcon book. In fact, it’s worth noting that Wasp, Pym, Scarlet Witch and Vision have pretty much taken over the corner shot on the front cover.

Things start off with the team in the sub-basement (the basement under the basement? Because the Avengers just couldn’t just have a basement, they needed something mightier!) where there are lots of TV screens showing off lots of chaos and destruction. Wasp asks, “Has the whole world gone mad?!?” And Pym calmly reminds her that, no, the whole world hasn’t gone mad, just America. Oh! Thanks, Hank!

Scenes like this interest me in comic books as I never quite understand how heroes would get unnerved by this kind of imagery, as it’s something they encounter every single day. These scenes only happen in event books (as they did in the recent Fear Itself) to remind readers that, unlike the time Earth exploded last week, this time It’s Fucking Serious. This is a lot like in Bad Boys 2 when one of the main characters eloquently says “Shit just got real,” implying that all the death and destruction we’ve been watching for the last 90 minutes were insignificant. And as these kinds of Event books grow bigger and bigger, you’d think that it would be easier to convey the doom and gloom of what’s happening, when in actuality it becomes much harder.

Anyway, we cut to all the major villains sitting around the table and planning the Big Plan. We have Kingpin, Mandarin, Magneto, Red Skull, Doctor Doom and lots more. Loki is secretly orchestrating all of this as a man named Lackey (yeah, Loki isn’t good at the whole disguise thing). While the plan to take down all the heroes might be effective, the villains have a difficult time getting along, namely Red Skull, a big time Nazi, and Magneto, a big time Holocaust survivor. Honestly, this is probably the most refreshing part of this entire issue and shows a little consideration in the main story line.

Back in the basement (sorry, sub-basement!), the Super-Power alert goes off! Apparently the Avengers have an alarm that rings whenever someone with super-powers enters Avengers Park. Yeah, I know, that’s pretty dumb. How exactly does that work? And how come the West Coast Avengers never got one? Because that would’ve helped them out every time someone broke into the compound, which is every other day. It’s Freedom Force, which was the 1990′s answer to today’s Thunderbolts. As Pym points out, they’re “composed of known criminals recruited to serve out their time as government agents.” Thank you, exposition. The three members of Freedom Force who arrive are Blob, Pyro and Avalanche.

Freedom Force’s arrival is anything but official, however. In fact, they’re part of the whole don’t-think-about-it-too-much-Acts-of-Vengeance plan to make heroes fight villains they’re unfamiliar with. This is even highlighted when Falcon asks what do they know about Freedom Force, and Pym replies, “Not as much as we should, Falcon.” We are, of course, ignoring the fact that Pym and Wasp fought Freedom Force back in Avengers Annual #15.

And so our big fight begins. For the purposes of dramatic tension, Freedom Force give the team a run for its money. It drags on way longer than it should, and it isn’t until Captain America arrives and announces that Freedom Force is not there on the behalf of the government that it all ends. The issue wraps up with the team standing around in the debris wondering what’s going on with Lackey watching from afar laughing.

WEST BOAST OR ROAST?

Roast. Not feeling it here. While I liked what was going on with the villains, the parts with our trusted heroes felt too much like wheel spinning.

WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!

So to you other villains all across the land, there’s no need to argue: Red Skull just don’t understand!

Previously on West Coast Wednesdays…