No Google, No Cry

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On Wednesday morning a Long Island family was visited by members of a joint terrorism task force after they had the misfortune of Googling “pressure cookers” and “backpacks”. In the interest of making sure you don’t make the same mistake, I’ve created a list of things you should not Google:

  1. “Google”
  2. “Wankel rotary engine”
  3. Hodor
  4. “When’s Waldo?”
  5. “One Ezra Pound equals how many grams?”
  6. “Emancipation proclamation”
  7. “Would a Pepa solo album have less sodium?”
  8. “Abe Vigoda naked”
  9. “Robin Thicke”
  10. “Quick dinner recipes”
  11. What are the stages of having my penis put on the internet?
  12. “How many times can I threaten to rape someone on Twitter before it becomes a problem?”
  13. “Back to school sales”
  14. “Admiral Adama/Lieutenant Martin Castillo slash fiction”
  15. “Does the five second rule apply for babies?”
  16. “Necronomicon for kids”
  17. “Ayn Rand peanut butter”
  18. “Am I dying?”
  19. “Wesley Crusher is my spirit animal”
  20. “Being a good host to a tapeworm”
  21. “Alcohol poisoning signs”
  22. “What’s the big deal about punctuation anyway?”
  23. “Who is Drunk Hulk?”
  24. “Differences between sleep and coma”
  25. “Is Joe Hill Benny Hill’s son?”
  26. Dexter spin-offs
  27. “Joss, we done?”
  28. Cannonball Run novelization
  29. “Which wire should I cut first?”
  30. “Should I play dead or run when confronted with a Hasselhoff?”
  31. “Heisenberg/Carlos Danger team up”
  32. “Is there really a difference between your and you’re?”
  33. “How many calories are in Justin Bieber’s left thumb?”
  34. “Best homes for grandma”
  35.  “Takin’ a ride with the smell police”
  36. “Great pressure cooker recipes for backpacking trips”
  37. Empty Rooms Lonely Countries
  38. “Porn”

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