…and Hello, 2011.
Thanks for everything.
Drunk Hulk’s Tiger Beat Interview
6
Today Drunk Hulk answers some hard hitting questions taken from old Tiger Beat interviews. These specific questions were taken from a comprehensive and indepth interview with Usher, who handled these hardballs with elegance and grace. Let’s see how Drunk Hulk does…
What’s your favorite soft drink?
WHAT GREAT QUESTION! FINALLY! REAL JOURNALISM!
USE LIKE DR PEPPER! BUT DRUNK HULK HAVE SERIOUS DOUBT ABOUT HIS MEDICAL QUALIFICATION! THESE DAY DRUNK HULK LIKE ANY ADJECTIVE + NOUN (ANIMAL) DRINK! IT LIKE DRINK CRAZY MAD LIB!
Have you ever had a celebrity crush?
NO! BUT THERE LOT CELEBRITY DRUNK HULK WANT CRUSH! WOULD PROVIDE LIST! BUT WHO HAVE THAT KIND OF TIME!
Do you have any pets?
NO PET FOR DRUNK HULK! NO SINCE SEA MONKEY DRUNK HULK HAD AS KID! HIS NAME WAS MR BELVEDERE! HE COULD NO BE ALONE! DESTROY FURNITURE! AND FLING CRAP ALL OVER PLACE! DRUNK HULK HAD FLUSH MR BELVEDERE DOWN TOILET! DRUNK HULK CAN STILL HEAR HIS HORROR SCREAM! AND REMEMBER WAY HE NO WANT LET GO OF TOILET! POOR MR BELVEDERE!
What do you do for fun?
HEY! THIS IS DRUNK HULK! IT OBVIOUS! WOULD YOU ASK BRAINY SMURF WHAT HIS DEAL IS! OR GRUMPY DWARF! OR BLANCHE FROM GOLDEN GIRL!
If you were abducted by aliens, what CD and book would you bring along for the ride?
THAT SO KIND OF ALIEN GIVE DRUNK HULK OPPORTUNITY PACK!
FOR CD! DRUNK HULK BRING DIRTY DANCE SOUNDTRACK! BECAUSE THAT ALBUM NO EVER GET OLD!
FOR BOOK! DRUNK HULK BRING ATLAS SHRUG! BECAUSE DRUNK HULK RESPECT ANY BOOK WITH HUNDRED PAGE MONOLOGUE! MAYBE DRUNK HULK CAN ACT OUT FOR ALIEN BUDDY!
What’s your favorite outfit?
YOU ARE WORST INTERVIEWER EVER! DRUNK HULK BEGIN WONDER IF YOU JUST CRAZY HOBO!
WHATEVER! YOU CAN NO EVER GO WRONG WITH PURPLE STRETCHY HAMMER TIME PANT!
Who’s better: Britney or Christina?
WHAT DECADE IS THIS!
What’s in your CD player right now?
DUST! WHAT CENTURY IS THIS!
What’s your idea of a perfect date?
IT NO MATTER! AS LONG AS DRUNK HULK OUTSIDE YOU HOUSE AT END OF NIGHT WITH BOOM BOX OVER HEAD! PLAYING IN YOU EYE BY PETER GABRIEL!
IN YOU EYE! LIGHT! HEAT! IN YOU EYE! DRUNK HULK AM COMPLETE! IN YOU EYE! DRUNK HULK SEE DOORWAY TO THOUSAND CHURCH! IN YOU EYE! RESOLUTION OF ALL FRUITLESS SEARCH! IN YOU EYE! DRUNK HULK SEE LIGHT! AND HEAT! IN YOU EYE! OH! DRUNK HULK WANT BE THAT COMPLETE! DRUNK HULK WANT TOUCH LIGHT! HEAT! DRUNK HULK SEE IN YOU EYE!
PERFECT!
Like Drunk Hulk? Consider buying Cover Stories for 10 brand new short stories written by the man behind the big green guy. Please note: stories are written in lower case with appropriate capitalizations and in grammatically correct sentences.
And don’t forget my book collection of short stories, Empty Rooms Lonely Countries:
Thanks for your support.
West Coast Wednesdays: West Coast Avengers Vol. 1, #3
0
West Coast Avengers, Vol. 1, Issue 3 (November 1984)
WEST COAST CREDITS!
Writer: Roger Stern
Penciler: Bob Hall
Inker: Brett Breeding
WEST COAST SUMMARY!
The West Coast Avengers get a little downtime after rescuing Los Angeles from a freak snowstorm. But before they can enjoy their BBQ, Wonder Man and Tigra help Shroud resolve a gang matter that brings them face to face with Graviton.
WEST COAST THOUGHTS!
The cover’s not exactly accurate as only Tigra and Wonder Man (with the Shroud) have a tangle with Graviton, but that’s no big deal.
The first thing that surprises me about this issue is how continuity heavy it is, as the snowstorm at the beginning of the issue ties in with events happening in Thor at the time, Wonder Man’s exposition with Tigra brings up a lot of Avengers’ history, Jim Rhodes confession to Tigra is connected with events in Iron Man, and Graviton’s exposition brings up past Avengers and Thor stories, as well as Secret Wars. Not that it’s a problem, because the book does a great job in citing what issues to look up for the rest of the story, but I’d forgotten how these old comic books so willingly flaunted its own continuity.
That said, the introductory conflict (snowstorm) is a side effect of a story the book has nothing to do with and hadn’t been hinted at before, and it disappears as suddenly as it appears. Right now, if we looked at all the conflict’s the team has had, it would amount to a misunderstanding, a fight with a hack villain, and a snowstorm that has nothing to do with anything.
I’m really starting to wonder why I loved this team so much.
Once the snowstorm is over, Hawkeye decides to have the first annual Avengers BBQ. Everyone is pretty pumped up about this except Wonder Man, who is still bummed out about letting the Blank get away coupled with his issues about being resurrected from the dead. All this has him wondering if he’s really Avengers material. Luckily, Tigra is there to talk to him after Iron Man passes on the opportunity. And Tigra tells Wonder Man her own insecurities, all the while flaunting her half naked body in front of him, even going as far to show him her amulet that allows her to look like a normal woman. It sounds terribly dirty, I know.
From there, it’s one coincidence after another which finally leads to Tigra, Wonder Man and Shroud confronting the Blank, and then finally Graviton. Graviton ends up double-crossing the Blank, as these villains do. And sends the Blank, Tigra and Shroud flying into the Pacific Ocean, leaving Wonder Man trapped under water in the pool. The issue ends with Graviton standing by the pool with two women in bathing suits as they watch Wonder Man drown. If you’re interested, one of the women looks frightened while the other looks fascinated.
The cliffhanger doesn’t really work, as we know Wonder Man is indestructible. So the possibility of Wonder Man drowning doesn’t seem to be that threatening.
A couple of other things: I love the fact that everyone is in costume at the BBQ, and how Rhodes, as Iron Man, is stressing out on how to eat without revealing his identity. Speaking of, he does reveal that he’s not Tony to Tigra, but does so by removing his glove. While I appreciate the whole “Obviously I’m not Tony because I’m black,” it would’ve made more sense just to take off the helmet and, you know, say, “I’m not Tony; actually, my name’s Jim.” Also, considering the amount of insecurity on display here, I’m not surprised the Avengers sent these guys out west.
WEST BOAST OR ROAST?
Boast and Roast! The writing here is a little awkward, especially in the exposition dumps. While I know it was how these stories worked back in the day, it feels like tire screeching decades later.
WEST COAST SCENE (OF THE WEEK)!
Iron Man caught red-handed?
Writer Wednesday: Raymond Carver
0Raymond Carver tends to be noted for his “everyman” characters, but I always thought that was simplifyingwhat he set out to do. I think a large part of Carver’s success is how he deftly taps into our need to be saved, for someone to enter our lives and bring us to safety.
“Cathedral” tells the story of a man (the unnamed narrator) who reluctantly plays host to his wife’s blind friend, who is visiting from out of town. Initially, it seems that the man’s ignorance towards the blind is his biggest problem, and then it seems like he’s jealous, but as the story progresses, it becomes clear that these are simply excuses to keep himself isolated from others. At times awkward, and at times funny, “Cathedral” builds and builds so subtly that when the revelation comes, it’s practically orgasmic.
In this scene, the man and the blind man are watching a documentary on building cathedrals, when the blind man asks the man if he could describe to him what a cathedral looks like:
I stared some more at the cathedral before the picture flipped off into the countryside. There was no use. I turned to the blind man and said, “To begin with, they’re very tall.” I was looking around the room for clues. “They reach way up. Up and up. Toward the sky. They’re so big, some of them, they have to have these supports. To help hold them up, so to speak. These supports are called buttresses. They remind of viaducts, for some reason. But maybe you don’t know viaducts, either? Sometimes the cathedrals have devils and such carved into the front. Sometimes lords and ladies. Don’t ask me why this is,” I said.
He was nodding. The whole upper part of his body seemed to be moving back and forth.
“I’m not doing so good, am I?” I said.
He stopped nodding and leaned forward on the edge of the sofa. As he listened to me, he was running his fingers through his beard. I wasn’t getting through to him, I could see that. But he waited for me to go on just the same. He nodded, like he was trying to encourage me. I tried to think what else to say. “They’re really big,” I said. They’re massive. They’re built of stone. Marble, too, sometimes. In those olden days, when they built cathedrals, men wanted to be close to God. In those olden days, God was an important part of everyone’s life. You could tell this from their cathedral-building. I’m sorry,” I said, “but it looks like that’s the best I can do for you. I’m just no good at it.”
“That’s all right, bub,” the blind man said. “Hey, listen. I hope you don’t mind my asking you. Can I ask you something? Let me ask you a simple question, yes or no. I’m just curious and there’s no offense. You’re my host. But let me ask if you are in any way religious? You don’t mind my asking?”
What comes next is a thing of beauty.
What makes Carver’s work so interesting is how he has a tendency to end the story right at its climax with no denouement. Carver’s approach to writing was to isolate the exact moment when the protagonist changes, either by epiphany or deliverance, and once this moment occurs, it doesn’t matter what happens next. In fact, when Carver does feel the need to move beyond the climax (such as “Fever”), it tends to feel a bit redundant. Thankfully, the ending of “Cathedral” is one of the greatest short story endings of all time.
See if you agree with me right here.
Long Box Tuesdays: Wolverine: Weapon X #10
0Wolverine is one of Marvel’s most popular characters, but once you get past the cool visuals and horrifyingly convoluted back story, what you have left is one of the most ridiculous superheroes ever created.
The character is like a television show that had an awkward start, built up a lot of momentum to become insanely popular, and then in an effort to capitalize on the show kept adding and adding to its mythology without ever once considering how to wrap it up when the show made it to the finish line (this is why I’m a firm believer in television shows having an end date by the time the first season finishes).
The smartest things to happen to the character in the last decade were to publish Origins (with sharp writing by Paul Jenkins and some lovely art by Andy Kubert and Richard Isanove), which finally established a proper starting point for James Howlett, and to have Wolverine recover his lost memories in House of M (written by Brian Michael Bendis and art by Olivier Coipel; an event that readers seem to appreciate more with distance), and finally find strength in the character’s history rather than his mystery (a gimmick that was past the point of absurdity).
If I were to add a third item to the aforementioned list, I’d probably add the decision to have Jason Aaron write Wolverine: Weapon X.
Here are some things to avoid when writing Wolverine:
- Don’t place him in the center of every major historical event in the 20th century (the world is an awfully big place).
- Don’t feel it necessary to build a conspiracy on top of the conspiracy, especially when you haven’t fully established the previous conspiracy.
- Don’t have Wolverine make silly mistakes, especially when you have him say he’s the best at what he does on the page before.
- Either Wolverine is a killer or he isn’t, but it makes no sense to have him kill a hundred people to get to the boss and then wound him before walking away (I’m thinking specifically of the first encounter with Romulus – the current conspiracy that put together all the other conspiracies – that had been built up for years; Wolverine isn’t the brightest guy in the room, but he’s not stupid).
- Don’t create a female character just so you can kill her off and add to Wolverine’s list of regrets.
So far, Aaron has avoided all of the above traps, though the last item is uncertain. That said, Aaron’s been so smart with the book, I’m confident that there’s a dodge coming with Logan’s current love interest.
Aaron’s success with Wolverine rests on his ability to understand the ridiculousness of the character and then to actually mine drama out of it. One of the ways he managed this was to push Wolverine into varying genres within his own book. The first storyline in Wolverine: Weapon X worked as an espionage thriller, the second storyline was a horror story, and in issue #10, Aaron really did the impossible by writing Wolverine in a romance. It’s an interesting trick, because by putting Logan in multiple genres, the strength of the story has to come from the character.
The page chosen for this week is page 12 from issue #10, the art being by C.P. Smith. This issue has L0gan coming to terms with the fact that he’s falling in love again. The device of Logan receiving the necessary information he needs from a long line of female colleagues isn’t the strongest, but it’s a nice way to show off Logan’s sensitivity and stubbornness. The scene that worked best for me is when he takes the baby from Jessica Jones and Luke Cage and their reaction to this gesture. The first thing that struck me about the scene was how much I love Jones, and also how rarely we get to see her and Cage written together by other writers outside of Bendis.
Another thing about this page is Aaron’s decision to have Wolverine in costume when he takes the baby, which is visually ridiculous and highlights a lot of the awkwardness of a world with superheroes; however, since we have Logan coming to terms with his inability to open up, it makes sense to have a tender moment like this happen with the mask still on. Or maybe I’m looking at this page too hard.
I’ve written a lot more about Wolverine than I expected to, which I feel is a testament to the power of the character.
Writer Wednesday: Chuck Palahniuk
0When I started writing, I said my goal was to bring people back to reading, people who had given up on reading. So I wrote for people who didn’t read at that point. Today, you have to write books that can compete against video games and music videos and professional wrestling and all the other things people can do with their time. And those people want plot. People don’t want stasis and description. They want the plot to move, they want lots of verbs. You know, verbs on top of verbs.
- from an interview with Chuck Palahniuk.
Writer Wednesday: John Cheever
0
The last time I saw my father was in Grand Central Station. I was going from my grandmother’s in the Adirondacks to a cottage on the Cape that my mother had rented, and I wrote my father that I would be in New York between trains for an hour and a half, and asked if we could have lunch together. His secretary wrote to say that he would meet me at the information booth at noon, and at twelve o’clock sharp I saw him coming through the crowd. He was a stranger to me—my mother divorced him three years ago and I hadn’t been with him since—but as soon as I saw him I felt that he was my father, my flesh and blood, my future and my doom.
- from “Reunion”, written by John Cheever
I’m currently reading Cheever’s collection of short stories, which has been even better than I possibly imagined. Cheever was one of those names that was always dropped between writers I’ve always admired, but for whatever reason, I never got around to reading.
It wasn’t until I listened to this New Yorker podcast that I finally heard “Reunion”, and from that moment on, I knew I was going to appreciate Cheever’s work. I haven’t been that taken by a short story since someone read Donald Barthelme’s “The School” to me.
At just over 1100 words, you won’t find a story that packs in as much sadness and heartache as this. And the “as soon as I saw him I felt that he was my father, my flesh and blood, my future and my doom” line is so damn perfect, I want to buy Cheever a drink.
Writer Wednesday: Kurt Vonnegut
0“I can’t tell if you’re serious or not,” said the driver.
“I won’t know myself until I find out whether life is serious or not,” said Trout. “It’s dangerous, I know, and it can hurt a lot. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s serious too.”
– from Breakfast of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut.
Writer Wednesday: Grant Morrison (yeah, again!)
0Superman, Batman, they’re much more real than we are — created long before any of us were alive. Superman is still vital and young and communicating to people. When we’re dead and gone and dust, there will probably still be a Superman. And the world that they inhabit is a two-dimensional world. You can pick up different comics from his whole span of existence, but it’s all still there. I began to imagine: what if there were things above us, on a hyper-cube level, if there were people who could look down on us like we look down on Superman, and see the entirety of our lives? The same way we can see the entirety of lives in the second dimension?
-from an interview with Grant Morrison.
WHO?
Drunk Hulk started on Twitter in October 2009 and has since become an internet sensation with over 131,000 followers. He has been featured in various print and online publications like TIME, Huffington Post, NPR, MTV and more.
Both BuzzFeed and Paste Magazine listed Drunk Hulk as one of the best Twitter feeds of 2011.
The creator behind Drunk Hulk is Christian A. Dumais, an American writer and university lecturer living in Wrocław, Poland.
BOOKS
“I absolutely loved this book. EMPTY ROOMS LONELY COUNTRIES is bittersweet and touching, with some really funny bits . . . There are moments of sagacity and wisdom like I’ve rarely seen before, but it’s oh so sad – heartbreakingly, hauntingly, beautifully so . . . easily one of the my top ten favorite books of all time.” - TAMPA BOOK BUZZ
“[COVER STORIES] hints at the future of the short story." - NEW MYSTICS REVIEWS
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