McKee’s Monologue from Adaptation:

Here is something that brings me joy. Page 90 of Charlie Kaufman and Donald Kaufman’s Adaptation screenplay, specifically, McKee’s monologue:

For those who like it written out, here it is:

The real world? The real fucking world? First of all, if you write a screenplay without conflict or crisis, you’ll bore your audience to tears. Secondly: Nothing happens in the real world? Are you out of your fucking mind? People are murdered every day! There’s genocide and war and corruption! Every fucking day somewhere in the world somebody sacrifices his life to save someone else! Every fucking day someone somewhere makes a conscious decision to destroy someone else! People find love! People lose it, for Christ’s sake! A child watches her mother beaten to death on the steps of a church! Someone goes hungry! Somebody else betrays his best friend for a woman! If you can’t find that stuff in life, then you, my friend, don’t know much about life! And why the fuck are you taking up my precious two hours with your movie? I don’t have any use for it! I don’t have any bloody use for it!

Maybe it’s the way it sparks off the page or the way Brian Cox (remember when he was in every other movie ever made for about 5 years running?) delivers it, but I still get chills when I read this. An important part from an important film.

I want to take this monologue out behind the middle school and get it pregnant.