James Gillham’s “Torn from the Journal of Abel Merriwether”:

James Gillham over at Where the Long Tail Ends put every writer at the site – myself included – to shame with his “Torn from the Journal of Abel Merriwether”, a piece that evokes the writings of H.P. Lovecraft, Mary Shelley, Neal Stephenson, Thomas Pynchon and probably a few other writers I missed. It’s weird and beautiful, and absolutely hysterical:

Julian and I both agreed to the terms, Julian graciously agreeing to go first so that I might have a moment longer to decide my subject. With a few words of encouragement from Guy, the four of us gathered at the foot of the dining table to begin the contest.

Julian mounted a dining chair and began waving his arms back and forth and stabbing his finger into the air. All of this was punctuated with an occasional violent thrusting forward of his pelvis. It took Countess Dawn L. a full seven minutes to discover that Julian was pantomiming his father’s tailor Christopher. He was quite chuffed that she hadn’t discovered it sooner, as it is a well-known fact that Christopher is a retired junior high school band instructor and child rapist.

It is in your best interest to check it out. It practically justifies the internet’s existence.

Fantastic work, James.

Naturally, I hate you.